May 21, 2020 / By mobanmarket
I wouldn’t want to live in a world without humor. Even one day without it would be unthinkable. Yet humor not only can heal — it can also harm. It can strengthen or weaken, put us together or at odds, open or close doors, serve as a salve or salvo to the affection of others.
According to humor expert C.W. Metcalf, there are significant differences between healing and harmful humor. If we want to be effective in human relationships, it is vital to understand and respect these differences.
Healing humor has the following characteristics: It bonds people together in understanding difficulties and accepting responsibility. It laughs at itself, illuminates solutions, decreases tension, builds confidence and involves others in enjoyment. Harmful humor moves in the opposite direction: It divides people from each other and places blame on others. It laughs at others, obscures solutions, increases tension, tears down another’s self-worth and excludes others from enjoyment.
Healing humor, on the other hand, bonds us to one another.
I remember once during my training in the Marine Corps. Over 200 of us were gathered in an open November field at Camp Lejeune in North Carolina; we stood around for hours waiting for instructions before beginning an infantry exercise. Tension and boredom were increasing; we were cold and frustrated.
Then a private climbed atop a large rock and, with a strong baritone voice, boomed: “MARINES…. You are probably wondering why I called you here today.” The field erupted into laughter; the tension broke, and we felt united with one another again. Many times over the years, during periods of seemingly endless waiting, I have said the same thing to others — and it has never failed to elicit laughter and goodwill.
Healing humor laughs at itself rather than at others. Its objective is to laugh at the fundamental frustrations and setbacks of life rather than to demean others, whether concerning their personal, sexual, racial or ethnic particularities. Another memorable example: Some years ago during a golf tournament, right after my partner’s crucial putt came up short, rather than cussing or throwing his putter, he looked at me, smiled and said, “They say that at least 99 percent of the putts that come up short do not go into the cup.” His comment put golf into humorous perspective; it soothed my competitive intensity and drew me closer to him — and to all golfers.
Healing humor removes burdens and barriers between people. It clears rather than fouls the air. Healing humor prompts us to say, “I can do this; I can bear up and take it a bit longer.” No wonder oppressed people have developed humor to a fine art, for laughter helps us to endure. What we are unable to laugh about, from that we can find little relief.
It might be objected that whether humor is harmful or healing depends as much on the listener as the speaker. Our attitudes and sensibilities certainly do affect how we hear a joke. Nevertheless, if we find something offensive, that should be respected — regardless of how the joke was intended. The best thing to do is to say, “I’m sorry if you took offense; none was intended.” Then don’t tell such a joke again — at least around that person. Sensitivity and tact are even more healing than humor.
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