January 15, 2021 / By mobanmarket
Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the review team with so many plaques that we have gingivitis, Cewsh Reviews! And boy do we have a special SPECIAL treat for you tonight, boys and girls. See, you may recall me announcing that yesterday’s review of WWE over the Limit 2011 was the launch of something that we are calling the Cewsh Reviews Comeback Tour Week of Debaucherous Musing and Precipitous Bruisings. In typical Cewsh Reviews fashion these are a bunch of awesome words strung together to basically mean that we’ve been very much absent of late what with one thing and another, and to prove to you that we aren’t going to way of the dodo like so many internet projects do when they take their first “hiatus” we’re throwing down a massive gauntlet to crank out 5 reviews in 7 days. Insane? Yes. Suicidal? Yes. Awesome? FUCK YEAH.
Tonight’s entry into that collection of reviews is going to be a bit different from our usual fare. See, it has come to our attention that there is great young reviewing talent all over these great internets of ours, with a sharp wit and interesting insight, that is just being wasted being scrolled by on message boards all over the place. This is bullshit. So from time to time we may tap some of these up and comers to come here and show you what they have to offer. Who knows, maybe one day they’ll be way more popular than us and we’ll be riding their coattails, begging for scraps (unlikely). So tonight is the beginning of that, as we take two great, but unknown, people from the sea of the IWC and turn them loose on you dear readers to cover the crowning of the first ever WWE Undisputed Champion. Here marks the debut of Kyle 242 and Psycho Soldier.
Don’t worry. I’ll be there to make sure there’s no bad touch.
So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!
Kyle 242: Ah yes, 2001. George W. Bush. Big Brother. Shaggy. Kazaa. Lord of the Rings. Metal Gear Solid 2. Black monoliths. Jennifer Connelly. And of course, WWE Vengeance, or more specifically, Chris fucking Jericho!
Cewsh: Did you just say that George Bush is a black monolith?
Psycho Soldier: I remember this being one of the most epic moments when I was a child. The WCW and WWF Championships were going to be united to establish one Undisputed Champion. The concept is actually great. What else were they going to do with two championship belts? It’s not like they had two separate brands performing under the same company or anything…
The question is…does it hold up? This is right before I started really tuning into the fact that this was all choreographed, so I took everything that was handed to me as it was. Bad guys won sometimes, and I guess that made for a “bad” PPV at that age, but you’re still enthralled and wanting to see the good guys eventually win that belt. At the time, I was trying to come to terms with Jericho being an awesome performer, but too naive to be able to accept him as a heel.
Kyle: Wow, that is some classy shit right there. I’m not really sure what’s going on though…so they’re going to unite the titles and then a girl comes out in rags and dances around? Cuz if that doesn’t happen, I’m all fired up for nothing.
I sort of enjoy how the WWE was using the same kind of music in 2001 that the UFC uses today. Oh and MOTORFUCKING WWF NEW YORK SIGHTING!!! This is going to be one big nostalgigasm!
Kyle: Let the record show that back in the day, old men would open a PPV talking about ass and little else. Those were truly golden days.
Also, seeing Flair like this is surreal. It’s like “hey, he looks so young!”, but he’s not young at all, he’s like…young for Flair.
It’s like calling a new Katy Perry song “good for Katy Perry”…I mean, it’s still terrible, but it’s all relative right?
Psycho: Vince is unhappy.
Why? He got a face full of Rikishi toosh on the previous Smackdown.
His usual MO of calling out the fans for humiliating him is completely in play, and he even manages to throw a “SHUT UP!” in there.
Ric Flair, his 50-50 partner, pops up, cutting Vince off to remind him that a pay per view is starting up.
What’s this lead to?
Psycho: Ok, what’s really going on is Christian and Test are having a match with Albert and Scotty Too Hotty.
It should be noted that this is NOT for the Tag Team Championship. Whatever happened to this? When tag teams could have a feud without it having a title involved? You know, when WWE actually gave a shit about the division.
Basically, Test and Christian are heeling it up while isolating Scotty, and while Scotty has some very valiant efforts, he doesn’t seem to be having much luck. Well, that is until Scotty hits a superkick, which Test sells pretty well…perhaps too well, for when he hits the ground, he for some reason sits back up, then falls down. We’ll just say it was a bounce from the impact…it really didn’t look that way, though. So now chaos has broken out and everyone’s swapping in and out of the ring. Scotty gets Christian alone in the ring and goes for The Worm, but Christian hits an Inverted Reverse DDT before stealing Scotty’s spotlight and doing it himself.
Albert tries to stop him, Christian goes for an Impaler, Albert lifts him into an Electric chair, and Christian drops down to shove Albert into a big boot from Test. It seems like everything’s over, but Scotty breaks up the pin, pulls out the unthinkable, and hits The Worm on Test, right before Christian’s Impaler is foiled again by Albert’s Baldo Bomb.
This was actually a pretty fun match. Really nothing overtly special, but it was all handled nicely, and the ending skirmish was a finely prepared dish. Reminds me that no matter how much of a gimmick he was, Scotty Too Hotty was not a bad performer by any standards. Always liked Albert and the rest, though.
***1/2
(Cewsh Note: This is the one and only time anyone will ever be permitted to use a 5 star rating system in our reviews. What do I look like, an Observer?)
Kyle: I’m thoroughly shocked to see a tag-team match on a PPV that a) isn’t for the most worthless title in the company, and/or b) doesn’t involve a celebrity in some way. But this was a surprisingly good match and a great opener. Although I was thoroughly confused as to why the Smackdown GM was officiating this.
Let the record also show that the Worm might’ve actually been the most over move of this era that didn’t rhyme with “Chunner”. Or, to a lesser extent, “Cock Rot ‘em”. Actually, the “Pin a Mooney” would be a solid contender as well.
Rating: The third Sausage McMuffin you find in the bag after only paying for two. Surprising, and a pretty awesome way to start your day.
Psycho: Oh yes, Edge’s original babyface days. You know, the prankster Edge. The one that was either pretty funny, or overly cheesy. Before he became the Rated R Superstar. In retrospect, heel Edge is the best, but I was a big fan of Edge around this time, and I’ll always love this era.
A few lock-ups and basic exchanges in, they make their way outside, which I mainly bring up because Regal tosses Edge into the ropes from the ground, as Edge bounces off and smacks the floor mat. An innovative move. To my knowledge, I’ve never seen it anywhere but here.
So far the pacing of the match seems to be a few attempts at offense that get countered before Regal eventually gets the advantage, really favouring the knee to the skull technique. He has to soften him up for the brass knucks somehow.
Eventually does get some more momentum with an Edge-o-Matic. Regal isn’t so happy about this, so as an apology, Regal has Edge send Regal for a leg ride, just like his pee-pop used to do for him.
Why do I love Regal? He knows how to do quite a few Tiger hold manoeuvres, particularly my favourite, the Tiger Bomb. He must love showing this off, too, because he proceeds to do this move two more times before revealing his hidden brass knucks. However, before he can make proper use of it, Edge no sells Regal’s Tiger mastery and seals the deal with a spear!
Not bad. It was definitely enjoyable, and both parties played their roles well, but this was never a standout from their feud, which was he feud that made me begin to respect Regal for the performances he would give. In all honesty, though, this particular match could have been with anyone, because Edge was not the memorable part of this. Regal clearly out-worked him here, and I’m trying not to just do the typical smark thing and hate on Edge. Not to take anything away from Edge, because he did well, just nothing memorable, really. Enjoyable nonetheless.
***
Kyle: Holy hell, I forgot how fucking awful that Rob Zombie song was for Edge’s music. It turns one of the best entrances ever into one of the flattest…but to be fair, Edge doing nothing but staring at the crowd awkwardly doesn’t help either. I mean, a chicken can do that…and yes, chickens are cool and all, but not in wrestling. I now think what got his entrance over is when he started raising his hands. That’s when you know you’ve made it. When you start raising your hands.
Some pretty brilliant commentary in this one too. Calling Edge “technically sound” while standing across the ring from WILLIAM FUCKING REGAL is…well, yeah. Also, “Edge spears steel…that’s not what he intended to do!” is John Madden-esque. However, since these lines were uttered by JR, I don’t even care…he gets a free pass for everything. He could call every move Dolph Ziggler does the “Zig-Zag” for all I care. But who would be dumb enough to do that?
Anyway, despite some awesomeness by Regal, this was actually a pretty shit match. All heel offense, then Edge does his Randy Orton imitation and hits the spear out of nowhere for the win. And the spear’s not even the RKO…it’s the fucking spear. And the spear’s not even really the spear, it’s Edge’s spear. Blech.
Rating: Taking a sip of orange juice, when you were expecting it to be anything but orange juice. Pure “wtf” disappointed reaction.
(Cewsh Note: William Regal looks younger now, a decade later, than he did here.)
Psycho: You know…it’s really weird watching this match after all the recent occurrences with Jeff, and the not as recent occurrences with Matt. I think we have decided that these two are fucked in the brain. Jeff severely more than Matt…also, both seem to be quite full of themselves. This is at the zenith of their tag team fame, and really was what eventually led to their split due to the draft, where we began to look at them as separate entities rather than a team. They start with a few arm lock variants. Jeff counters Matt’s charge off the ropes with an arm drag that looked a little difficult for Jeff to pull off, but he did link it into a Fujiwara armbar, if that counts for anything.
Matt’s looking pretty solid, though. Fresh in the time when I felt that he really could have become a special talent on his own. There is a nice spot where Jeff goes for the set-up for the Whisper in the Wind, but Matt, knowing him too well, pushes his legs in so Jeff falls on the turnbuckle, which manages to look quite painful…but I mainly like the story behind the spot. Jeff gets hung up in the ropes, and Lita, doing the “true reffing” thing to do, tells Matt to back off so he can get out of the corner. The crowd hates this idea. Matt tosses Jeff out onto the apron, and goes for a Sunset Flip Bomb to the outside! Jeff reverses him as soon as Matt’s feet touch the ground, though, into a mediocre hurricanrana. Oh well, it was still a cool spot, but I would have rather seen Matt powerbomb Jeff.
The funny, and kind of worrisome, part is when Jeff gets Matt back into the ring, bent over the middle ropes. He stands outside the ring on the apron and assumingly tries to do his own Sunset Flip, but he flips into the ring completely over Matt, lands on his feet without being anywhere near a position to grab Matt. By doing this, he sprains his ankle or something, because he stumbles and falls over. Ok, so match is over, hm? Matt wouldn’t wrestle his brother with an injured ankle, would he? Of course he would! He’s Cold-Blooded! Oh, right, wrong company, wrong year. Matt handles this properly, though. After waiting a bit to see if Jeff wants to stop, he does a shoulder tackle to the back of Jeff’s knee, the opposite one that he injured. He immediately begins working on that leg, and the unknowing crowd is eating it up thinking “What a cold-hearted heel!” Really, though, Jeff’s leg is getting a break.
Matt’s working his leg real nice, and is interacting with the crowd who is shouting some kind of jeers at him, and it just makes the crowd love it even more. Eventually, though, Jeff reverses another manoeuvre attempt and hits an amazing looking Russian Leg Sweep. Jeff sells the injured leg well, trying to jump to the outside of the ring but failing. Of course, his leg is really hurt, so Matt’s attempt to set up for Jeff’s enzuiguri variant has Jeff falling on his face and audibly shouting, “FUCK!” Jeff counters a Twist of Fate, goes for the Swanton, but Matt tosses him off the turnbuckle. They trade pin attempts, each closer than the last.
What’s really nice is the finish. Jeff has climbed on the turnbuckle, and Matt joins him. He sets up for a Twist of Fate off of the top, but Jeff counters as Matt turns by launching him fiercely into the mat. He leaps off with a Swanton that connects, and makes the pin. Matt gets his foot on the ropes, but Jeff smartly pulled his leg off before the ref could see it. Obviously this set up for more storyline, but it was still nicely done, and the crowd was going nuts.
This match is actually filled with a lot of neat spots, and Jeff almost did a better job when he injured his leg. Matt truly made the match memorable, in my eyes, but Jeff sold well enough to play a good role, and it made you get involved. It’s actually kind of sad…you look at this match and you remember when you saw nothing but potential from these two. Maybe not actually talent, but potential and drive. Now it seems one has hit rock bottom while the other is just a mediocre shadow of his former self. Maybe we’ll see improvement in the future, but for now, let’s just remember the times before Jeff’s first release from the WWE.
***3/4
Kyle: Pretty good match, bit of a spot fest, but that’s what you’d expect. Although I do find it funny that this feud was based on Jeff’s bad decisions, and ended with Matt & Lita’s relationship being thrown into doubt. Eerily prophetic, no?
I do kinda miss the days when the WWE acknowledged that thongs exist. Lita always had hers exposed, Lawler was allowed to talk about them, and hell, we even got to see Edge’s once or twice. Glory days. To this day I think that’s how Matt found out about the whole Lita/Edge thing. When your girlfriend comes home wearing another man’s cologne, you’re suspicious…when she comes home wearing his underwear, you’re pretty damn sure.
Rating: Walking up a flight of stairs, with a hot chick right in front of you with an amazing ass at eye-level. Awwww yeah….
(Cewsh Note: At this point in history, I feel comfortable saying that Jeff Hardy was better at selling than anyone else in wrestling.)
Cewsh: Mmm, I can smell those Google hits rolling in.
Psycho: Trish Stratus can smell what the Rock is cooking after they both win/defend their belts tonight. What a sexy man, eh?
Psycho: Huh….seems like odd timing to see this tag team in this era. Right around the time of Big Show and Kane temporarily bringing back their old tag team, I happen to watch one of their first matches as a tag team from Vengeance ’01. Even more odd because I forgot this match was on here. I’m hoping that Kane is a bit more creative in the ring here, but we’ll see how time has jaded my memory.
Big Show and Kane dominate both Dudleyz with ease. They show some pretty good chemistry, and both of them seem so much more full of youth in the ring. That alone makes them more entertaining. After Kane leaps off the top rope onto both Dudleyz outside of the ring, Big Show pulls down the skirt of a frazzled Stacy Keibler and and spanks her in her hot pink panties…her very nice looking hot pink panties.
Now the Dudleyz manage to catch Kane in a Reverse Neckbreaker version of their 3D, the “Wazzup?!” Headbutt, a bit of general double-teaming, and set up for the actual 3D. This fails, though, and Kane is able to knock both Dudleyz out to tag Big Show back in, bringing about doom for the Dudley Bros. Kane hits a top rope lariat onto Big Show while trying to hit D-Von, which sets up unrest between the two team members. The Dudleyz try to take advantage, but again fail. That’s no problem, because this time Big Show tries to elbow strike Bubba, but ends up hitting Kane, sending him to the floor.
The finish is pretty neat, for the Dudleyz expose the turnbuckle, and do a double flapjack as a substitute for the 3D, Show’s head smacking against the exposed steel. Pretty “hardcore,” no?
Yes, this match was as short as this write-up, and while entertaining for the time it lasted, I get the feeling that adding more minutes wouldn’t have lent much more to the match other than negativity.
***
Kyle: Pretty standard tag-match, with a few observations:
Amazingly, I completely forgot that Stacy Keibler was ever with the Dudleys. That’s probably because it makes no sense whatsoever.
I vote these Dudley’s outfits the worst tag-team outfits in history. They make Techno-Team 2000 look like Project Runway finalists.
Kane is 10000x more badass with the mask. Seriously, just bring it back tomorrow. No one will care, no one will ask questions, we’ll all just be happy.
On a similar note, remember when Unmasked Kane went face-to-face with Masked Kane? And then there was like no fallout? Wtf was that!? I love the WWE.
I was thoroughly shocked to see a tag-team with tension between its members accidentally hit each other during the match. That never happens.
Rating: Lamar Odom. Because he’s big (like Kane & Show), can be a starter or bench player (like Kane & Show) and he’s been doing pretty much the same thing for the past 10 years (like Kane & Show). No mention of the Dudleys here because apparently they now work for a company I’ve never heard of. I thought TNA made shirts for women or something.
(Cewsh Note: Of these four, currently only Bubba has a singles career. Bizarre.)
Psycho: Lita still wants to get laid tonight, so she apologizes to Matt after realizing that his leg was on the rope during the 3 count. Lita’s gonna have to sneak into Jeff’s room tonight, because Matt just leaves without a word.
Cewsh: Won’t be the last time she cheats him. HO HO.
Was that joke too obvious?
Won’t be the last time he’s so mad at her that he drives over a picture of her repeatedly in his car and films it for his blog where he whines and cries about how nobody appreciates him.
That wasn’t even a joke, actually. The man is just batshit insane.
Kyle: Damn right I’m going to comment on this PSA. Seriously, they should just show a picture of the Hardys today. Say “this is what you’ll end up like”. That would stop anyone from backyard wrestling.
Cewsh: Did these commercials ever stop anyone from doing this? Ever?
Psycho: Now this is a match that I remember much stronger than anything from this PPV, mainly for one reason: The Undertaker. This was right after Taker’s first heel turn since becoming the American Badass, and damn was he so fresh here! He was so interesting, and his promos were much better than the Deadman shtick. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Undertaker, every era, but I feel like this era allowed him to have a “real” personality, and put on promos that actually meant something. This is also when RVD was still in his prime, so this should be a good treat. Things remain pretty back and forth, but the momentum shifts become farther apart by the time they make it outside of the ring(which is no more than a minute or two after the match started.
This feud was building pretty intensely, and this is probably one of the times the Hardcore Title was this important, so the crowd is hot, and these two are putting on quite the brawl. The Undertaker is showing a higher level of ferocity than any time prior to this era, and RVD is actually pulling out some moves that aren’t within his 7 moves that he uses every match over in Impact Wrestling. Deeper in the crowd, RVD decides to go for the first high spot of the night. He climbs onto one of the entrances to the storage area and leaps off with a crossbody onto Taker.
The landing releases a large cloud of some kind of dust, which makes me wonder if that was put there to disguise what could have been a cushion.
They’ve now come around through the back of the entranceway again, where Taker decides its time to test out his skill in a game of darts. Satisfied with his progress, he feels its time to end this and sets up for The Last Ride. RVD hates this idea, so he grabs on to the side of the stage set up and kicks Taker in the face until he backs off. Cue the Rolling Thunder and his running Van Terminator to make up for his lack of signature moves so far. Of course, this is not a enough to put Taker away, so a pin attempt only yields him a two count. Taker then dodges a Van Daminator and gets a few sickening chair shots in before trying a Tombstone on the chair. Van Dam snakes his way out, and tosses the chair at Taker. He attempts the Vandaminator again, but Taker dodges, clutches RVD’s neck, and Chokeslams him off the stage through two tables lined up next to each other.
It would take a Sabu or a Cena to survive that, so Taker makes his cover and gets the three count, thus beginning one of my favourite Hardcore Championship reigns of all time.
This match, like the last, was short, but unlike the last, I felt like it could have gone on another 5 minutes before it ended. These two were just beating the shit out of each other through frustration, but it didn’t feel like a needless weapon fest. In fact, the only real weapon didn’t come in to play until the ending stretch. The ending was awesome, and the build to it kind of kept me on my toes. If it had a few more minutes, it could have been fleshed out into an even more captivating match, but ultimately it kind of left me wanting more. Not bad by any means, just not enough.
***3/4
Kyle: Man, after the past three years of magnificent Taker/HBK and Taker/HHH feuds, it’s surreal to go back in time and see the Short-Haired DeadMan Inc. GingerTaker. Not just the gimmick, but coming out to frickin’ Limp Bizkit.
Just wow. If Taker’s career is Jefferson Airplane…the SHDMIGT gimmick (with frickin’ Limp Bizkit) is “We Built This City”. Frickin’ Limp Bizkit.
Anyway, surprisingly awesome match…but would it have been as awesome back then? “Hardcore” matches look a little more extreme now that we’re in the PG era, but this would be cancelled out by RVD’s WWE offense being still pretty new at the time, so I would say yes. And congrats to Taker for winning the midcardiest belt of all-time. I expect he’ll go on to bigger and better things after this, like the European championship, and maybe even the prestigious Light Heavyweight title!
Also, frickin’ Limp Bizkit.
Rating: U2’s “Pop”. Michael Jordan’s run with the Wizards. McDonald’s Arch Deluxe. George Lucas’s…well…pretty much every movie that’s not Star Wars IV-VI or Lost Ark. You get the idea.
(Cewsh Note: I’m not here in any sort official review capacity, but this match rocked fucking socks. I recommend that you seek it out.)
Psycho: Ric Flair is still important, so he’s yet again interrupted while talking on the phone. This time it’s Jericho, long hair and all. Jericho pretty much has the same thing to say that Angle did, with that Y2J flavor slathered all over it. Also, he wants Flair to personally walk down to the ring on Raw to crown Jericho as the Undisputed Champion. Flair agrees, but says he’ll do it for whoever wins, even if Y2J is not the winner.
Psycho: This is a nice little blast from the past(as if the whole PPV wasn’t), and yet again a test of “Was it really better back in the Attitude Era?” Much like the Tag Team Division, many people these days condemn the current Diva’s division and usually say things like, “It was a lot better before Trish left.” While I do agree, I was also younger and a bit more naive as to what made someone a good performer, so with Trish being in the match, defending against Jacqueline…this seems like as good a test as any.
So far it’s mainly been a bunch of strikes, and the working hasn’t been top notch, but not utterly sloppy. There’s a nice spot where Jackie stops a kick and swiftly sweep kicks Trish’s other leg out from under her. This is also followed by a very sloppy roll-up with a bridge attempt from Trish. A few strikes and move attempts later, Trish goes for what I’m sure is a prototype version of the Stratusfaction before it even had the name, but Jackie counters and slams Trish to the mat. It looked sick, but it wasn’t enough to finish the match off. Only a few moments later, Trish gets a backslide to successfully defend her Women’s Championship.
So, considering this is just after Trish had started getting into the ring, and this match was only given about 3 or 4 minutes like every other Diva’s match these days…wasn’t that impressive. Really, the best era for the Diva’s Division came right after this, around the time Trish started feuding with Jazz. From that point on, awesome. This era…not too bad, but not that great, at least…this match didn’t show anything too special.
**
Kyle: Arguably the most unforgettable Women’s Champion ever, facing arguably the most forgettable. Kind of awkward to see Trish at this stage, she’s learning wrestling moves quickly, but she just doesn’t look like, well, Trish. She doesn’t even have her music! Anyway, match was a little botchy, but short and enjoyable. Minus the commentary drifting to Trish’s black bra. Oh King, you will never change (spoiler: He changed! PG styles!)
Rating: A NASCAR crash. Fun to watch, but deep down you really hope no one kills themselves.
(Cewsh Note: For all the talk of Trish being the legendary beloved Diva, the crowd here could not have given less of a shit.)
Psycho: Here’s what we’ve all been waiting for: in all honesty, I don’t think there’s ever been a WWF Tournament that was ever treated so highly. The WCW has finally gone under, and the Invasion has been quelled…so now it’s time to do what only seems natural: Decide who is the ultimate champion of both companies…sort of. Regardless, this is the unification of two of the most well-known championships of the time, involving the biggest stars of WWF’s Attitude Era besides Triple H and Undertaker…so yeah, kind of a big deal.
The crowd is the most rabid they’ve been all night, cheering for Austin and chanting “Angle Sucks” before the physical action even starts. Austin starts hard with some stiff chops, so Angle decides to take an early break. This works as he sneaks in a belly to back takedown. Afterwards, Austin takes a much shorter break outside the ring and comes back in to flip off Angle. Now the match is in full effect. Everything’s very back and forth, and Austin is soon to get Angle outside the ring, picking apart Angle with the turnbuckle post and the steel steps. He seems to focusing on the arm a bit, and this is about confirmed as he does an Arm DDT to Angle. He almost cinches in what looks like the beginning to a German Suplex, but Angle rolls out of it with the utmost grace to get the Ankle Lock! This transition….really, it’s TOO smooth, like Keit- no, I can’t bring myself to do that joke.
Austin grabs the ropes, and things start spilling back to the outside, but a little bit of ingenuity allows Angle to start injuring Austin’s leg after weakening it with the Ankle Lock, particularly using a Figure Four Leg Lock around the turnbuckle post. So basically…now it’s Angle’s turn to be on top for the next few minutes. A few suplexes later, Angle gets a bit cocky and goes for a top rope moonsault. As beautiful as it was, it fails, and this is Austin’s opening to dominance. Clothesline, Thesz Press, Punches, and a Spinebuster aren’t enough, but as revenge for the 3 German Suplexes Angle unleashed on Austin, Austin now gets his own in. He takes it two steps further, however, and lands FIVE German Suplexes. Austin seems to have the match in the bag, but a low blow later, Angle pulls off an Angle Slam. Miraculously, Austin kicks out! Angle picks him back up and tries to finish him with a Stone Cold Stunner, but Austin reverses it into a Stunner of his own. If it was The Rock, maybe he would have kicked out…but it was Nerdy Angle, so you don’t even need me to tell you the result to know who won.
If there were a few more minutes on this match, it could have been the main event on its own…but with the people pretty much getting three main events, it was completely necessary to shorten this. It was awesome as it was, and was a phenomenal way to start off the tournament. Great material from great workers.
****
Kyle: Ah yes…I forgot that this was back when it was still cool to say “what!?”. And thereafter, again let the record show that crowds ruined amazing heel promos for eternity. Sigh.
Great match between two all-time legends. You know it’s a big match when Kurt brings out the Anglesault (sorry Christopher Daniels, Kurt’s might actually be the BME), and I loved Austin going to the German suplexes when Angle tried to brawl with him. Good offense from both guys…this match had a great pace from the get-go, and never really let up…both guys have always worked well together, and they were completely “on” the entire time. Could’ve been a little longer, but I loved it. And we have two more matches to go!
Also, this Kurt Angle guy might be headed somewhere big in the business…let’s just hope that he can keep his head on straight, keep his personal life in check, and not jump to another promotion the second he gets in a dispute with the WWE.
Rating: Blade 2. Not the greatest movie ever, could’ve been better in a few ways, never really spoken of when it comes to “favourite action movies”, but still pretty damn solid.
(Cewsh Note: For a match between these two to blow your fucking doors off, try their match from Summerslam of 2001.)
Cewsh: So Test tries to rape Trish and then she runs to get help. All delivered by Test with the most overacting you can possibly fit into a scene without ever changing your facial expression.
Kyle: So for those who ever wondered why Test never went anywhere in the WWE…yeah…that’s why.
Kyle: Ah yes, Jericho with his AMAZING entrance.
I was actually thinking about this the other day…about Jericho’s entrances over the years in comparison to his most recent entrance. And really, his most recent one is more impressive. Seriously. It’s pretty much the default entrance you get in older WWE video games when you create a wrestler and don’t change anything. And yet, it’s over. Jericho took something completely unexciting and generic, and made it his own. Just another reason why he’s so goddamn rad. Anyway…
Fun offense by Jericho, busting out moves that honestly I forgot he’d had. Funny to hear the crowd getting behind him too…while facing The Rock…which further proves my consistent observation that The Rock was actually getting pretty stale with the fans around this point (especially in comparison to young Jericho). Funnier still to hear JR & King downplay the fan reaction and talk about them going for The Rock. Anyway…I’m not sure why heels ever bother slapping a sleeper on a face after dominating them for awhile (although I do kinda miss the arm-going down twice and then only half-way down the third time…whatever happened to that?) You know the face is going to come back after that…all you have to do is hope you have a counter in your arsenal during their comeback wave of signature moves. Which, of course, Jericho does. Cuz, y’know, he’s rad. Even with half-red hair.
Match proceeds into mostly Jericho offense with a few big Rock counters thrown in. Jericho doing the People’s Elbow (almost), and showing Rock how to do a sharpshooter is pretty sharp stuff. Throw in a Vince McMahon interference (including a funny moment where Rock throws him into the ring, and I’m pretty sure Vince had no idea he was going to do that), a Rock Bottom fest (Jericho has his own finisher doesn’t he?) and we have a pretty damn good match with the right victor. TAKE THAT, YOU ANNOUNCERS WHO SAID ROCK/AUSTIN ALL NIGHT!!! Imagine them, misleading us like that!
Rating: Having sex with your girlfriend at her house, and then her kinda hot roommate accidentally walking in on you. Sort of embarrassing, but at the same time pretty damn hot, and both of you know it. A welcome interference.
Psycho: Now the second semi-final/first round match commences with The Rock going up against Chris Jericho. It’s odd watching PPVs headlined by people who are no longer in the company, especially when they all seem so young here, only 10 years ago. Jericho and Rock start with an opening match back and forth, The Rock keeping control with a couple arm drags. Jericho tries to assume control, but after a few strikes to the face from The Rock, he’s back down. Jericho finally lands a running wheel kick and a springboard dropkick to the outside. Jericho hits a wonderful spinning back elbow from the turnbuckle and expresses his dominance through his signature pin whilst stepping on their chest.
Jericho is just keeping Rock completely grounded for a few minutes, and the only time he stands is by Jericho’s choice. Eventually, the rock hits and overhead belly to belly suplex?! And it was almost like a snap variation of it. He follows up with a Samoan Drop, but Jericho is quick to regain his place on top. He prefers being the pitcher, you see. Each time, The Rock almost gets back on top, but Jericho tends to get him back down with a clothesline or a bulldog, and even manages to pull off a second Lionsault to cover for one that Rock rolled out of the way for. Jericho tries to climb the turnbuckle and leap off again, but Rock runs against the ropes to drop Jericho on his nuts. He tries to superplex Jericho, but Jericho knocks him off and lands a crossbody, which The Rock reverses into a pin using Jericho’s momentum. This is broken out of, and Jericho has a few bitch slaps to the chest to show The Rock who the master is. The Rock has his own plan, however, as he tosses Jericho over the top rope and tries to pummel him outside of the ring….but AGAIN, Jericho usurps power in the match! He’s like a momentum magician!
Now Jericho is getting frustrated and takes apart an announcer’s table (not the Spanish one) to try and send Rock through. Jericho now has legitimate bitch slaps for Rock’s face, and is setting up to Rock Bottom Jericho through the table. This is awesome, because its more than just Jericho using his finisher: it builds from their last match where The Rock put Jericho through a table with the Rock Bottom. Back on track, The Rock counters Jericho’s attempt with a DDT through the table, leaving Jericho not only laid out, but sexuall- I mean vengefully unsatisfied.
Jericho’s magic juice has finally seem to run out as The Rock holds his first stretch of momentum to stay on top of Jericho, but by now, Jericho’s offense has taken effect, and Rocky is showing it. Rock tries to get a Rock Bottom, but Jericho counters into an early version of the Skull Crushing Finale, which Jericho actually started using as a finisher for a while. Jericho, obsessed with being a bigger star and better performer than The Rock, tries to mock The Rock by using The People’s Elbow. Rock catches his leg and goes for the Sharpshooter…but Jericho reverses this into a sharpshooter of his own! Even after Rock’s cunning trick, Jericho is still able to outsmart The Rock into mockery! Y2J! Y2J!
Of course, you know The Rock isn’t going to tap here, and he grabs the rope. There’s a bit of a struggle before The Rock actually hits a Rock Bottom. He’s too tired to make an immediate pin, and by the time he does, Mr. McMahon comes down to the ring to distract the ref.
The Rock clocks Vince McMahon, hits a Spinebuster, and tries to land an Elbow. Vince gets back up on the apron, The Rock tosses him in the ring, lands the Elbow, and beats on Vince. The ref tries to get Vince out of the ring as Jericho sneaks in a low blow! After using The Rock’s finisher, he pins him to win the World Championship, leading to an intense Steve Austin coming right out to start up the next match.
****
(Cewsh Note: Good lord these fuckers had off the charts chemistry.)
Psycho: He starts beating on Jericho before the bell even rings, but Angle takes advantage of this by running out and slamming Austin with a chair. Jericho starts to get back up, but The Rock runs in and lands a Rock Bottom on Jericho! Now the bell rings, and the match starts on even footing despite the opening hi jinx. Holy shit, the hi jinx! I can’t remember the main events being this awesomely zany! It always makes you wonder what’ll happen next! Jericho gets up and tries to pin Austin, and SCSA just barely kicks out. If only…imagine the first ever Undisputed Championship being 10 seconds long.
Still beats David Arquette as champion.
So Jericho almost seems to have recovered more of that magic meter, but Austin is too badass for that to matter, as he soon spears Jericho and begins beating the tar out of Y2J like it was a religious ceremony. He takes him outside the ring so he can get a taste of Angle’s medicine, and gets him well acquainted with the barricade. Austin lifts up the padding on the floor to expose the concrete, and has something diabolical planned, but Jericho taps into his magic abilities to get Austin onto the other announce table, which had been exposed earlier. He tries to lock in the Walls of Jericho, but Austin tosses him off, finally setting up his suplex to the concrete! So vicious!(For those wondering, most of Jericho’s body landed on the padding, so it wasn’t as sickening as it could have been).
These guys have now broken into the heated back and forth stage where both are obviously tired, from match fatigue and the fact that this is their second match of the night. The moves look more devastating, but no person has a clear advantage, until Jericho locks in a Fujiwara armbar and follows up with a Fisherman’s Suplex! Definitely one of my favorite moves of all time. He climbs to the top and jumps off, only to get punched in the stomach. Austin puts Jericho back in his place for about 5 seconds before Austin finds himself wrapped up in the Walls of Jericho.
Luckily for him, he grabs the ropes. Jericho keeps beating on Austin, but a reversed irish whip causes Jericho to knock the ref outside the ring with a flying forearm. In this lapse of time, Jericho uses the trust low blow before hitting Stone Cold with a Stone Cold Stunner! I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many acts of finisher theft! This PPV should almost be illegal!
So Vince sends out Nick Patrick to count the pin for Chris, and Flair won’t have it. He knocks out Nick Patrick, but Vince is able to take out Flair. By this point, Austin gets some revenge by knocking Jericho in the family Jewels, unleashing a little bit of whoop ass on Mr. McMahon, and then taking the ass beating back to Jericho. Jericho tries for a dropkick, but Austin catches his legs and locks him in the Walls of Jericho!!
Jericho is pretty much tapping immediately, but the ref is still regaining sense! No! This can’t be!! While Jericho taps like a bitch, Booker rushes in with Austin’s WWF belt and bashes him over the back of the head. Booker makes a run for it as the ref is forced into the ring to count the pin for Chris Jericho, naming him the first EVER Undisputed Champion.
As a kid, I was so angry with this ending…but looking back now, it was so perfect. It seemed almost perfect for Austin or The Rock to win. That’s what anyone would have naturally pictured as the first ever Undisputed Champion in the WWF, but rather than even going a slight safe route with Angle winning, they had a fresh face win it! They let Jericho get his first official World Championship reign, and what bigger first run than as the first ever Undisputed Champion? Nothing can ever take that from him, and that’s a big achievement that no one else will ever be able to attain. Plus, it allowed for Austin to stay relevant to the belt, though he never ended up getting it back thanks to screwjob and nWo distractions.
***3/4
Kyle: Just for fun, I’ll do this one in real-time reactions.
CHRIS JERICHO JUST WRESTLED!!! THIS IS NOT FAIR!!! DAMN YOU AUSTIN!!! YOU ARE SO OBVIOUSLY GOING TO WIN!!
OH NO, KURT ANGLE!!! DAMN YOU KURT!!!
OH NO, THE ROCK!!! DAMN YOU ROCK!!!
Now both men are dead to start the match. Great.
Look at Jericho going on offense right away. He no-sold the Rock Bottom!! How dare he!? That’s something Cena would do, right? Right? Oh right, pointing out internet fans’ contradictory opinions is like my penis after looking at pictures of Sarah Jessica Parker. Not hard.
YES!!! Jericho with the f-bomb!! So much for the Cena comparison.
Seeing Austin’s Lou Thesz press just makes Orton’s Flying Crotch Scissors look more awkward.
Wow, Austin’s going NUTS outside. There’s CONCRETE under those mats!!!
Man I’m hungry. I just ate dinner though. You think my wife would be mad if I ate again? I better wait ‘till she goes to bed.
YOU CAN’T BREAK THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE!!! The monitors haven’t been taken out!! Also, Jericho, doing the Walls on top of it does absolutely nothing right?
Y’know who should really get a title shot? The ring post. I’ve noticed that guy’s presence in pretty much every match tonight. Been around for awhile too. Not much charisma, but still cuts a better promo than John Morrison.
Man, now Austin’s just audibly calling the match. Why can’t he be more like Jericho. In fact, Jericho should ask him. ASK HIM!!
I’ll admit right now, I sorta hate the Walls of Jericho. The Lion Tamer was so much better.
DOWN GOES HEBNER!!! Knocked him all the way to TNA!
JERICHO STUNNER!!! Man, he should really get his own finishing move that’s not a submission hold. Maybe call it the Load Maker or something. Nah, that sounds too Val Venis-y.
VINCE!! FLAIR!!! And whoa, corrupt referees? Just like real pro sports!
ZOMG CHAOS!!
Fuck I said “ZOMG”. Shoot me immediately.
Austin with the Walls of Jericho!! What is this, steal a finisher day!? It takes TWO power meters to steal a finisher, what’s going on!?!?
Hey, it’s that Smackdown announcer!! And he has a belt!!? What’s he doing here? WTF?!?!
Slowest count ever and JERICHO IS THE FUCKING UNDISPUTED CHAMPION!!!
Man…I remember this when it happened…and I was just shocked. Although Jericho’s reign didn’t really go as well as I’d hoped, it was pretty surreal to see him beat everyone in one night (even if it was unclean…I mean fuck it’s, it’s Jericho)! Not the best match technically, but all the chaos was fun, and I got to mark out for Jericho once again.
Rating: Remember the roommate who walked in? Yeah, it’s a full threesome now. In others words, jizz everywhere.
(Cewsh Note: This was genuinely the best moment of my life to that point, as sad as that sounds. I marked out so fucking hard that…well, actually, let’s let Vice tell the story.)
(Vice Note: For a show that I’ve never seen in full up until about two weeks ago, it was one of the most significant wrestling shows in my life, and it had a good part in altering the last decade of my life.
See, Cewsh and I met back in high school. Back when I had long hair and he had short hair. Despite being two of only four white guys in our history class, we never really spoke to each other. We acknowledged each others’ existence at one point or another, but that was about it until he randomly asked me “hey man, do you watch wrestling?”, to which I was like a deer in headlights. After some convincing, I hopped back on the wrestling wagon and decided to tune in to Monday Night RAW. His favorite was Jericho, and I remembered him being a bit of a rascal during WCW when I watched. As fate would have it, Shane McMahon bulldogged Jericho into the steps that night, causing his face to bleed like an erupting volcano.
The next day during class, we did not speak. With a few minutes left in class, I slowly slide a piece of paper on his desk. It was a quick drawing I did of Jericho getting the steel to his face. It caused him to laugh out loud and get the teacher to bitch at him. That was step one in us becoming friends. Step two was what happened with Vengeance. We had exchanged AIM names a little while back because we were dorks, but neither of us had any desire to actually start a conversation with the other. Then that fateful night was upon us. I was sitting around on the computer when I saw an IM pop up on my screen in the corner of my eye. It was the Cewshster marking out like a five year old child.
Cewsh: JERICHO WON THE TITLE
Cewsh: WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT
Cewsh: OH MY GOD
Cewsh: I NEVER THOUGHT THIS WOULD HAPPEN
Cewsh: HOLY HELL
Cewsh: THIS IS THE GREATEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN IN WRESTLING
Cewsh: EVER
Cewsh: OH MY GOD I’M SPEECHLESS RIGHT NOW
Cewsh: I’M IN COMPLETE FUCKING AWE
Cewsh: OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD
Cewsh: I’M SCREAMING YOUR NAME FUCKING YOUR ASS
Ok, that last one may or may not have actually been said. By him, anyway. But you get the idea. And seriously, the dude went on for like 20 minutes typing faster than I’ve ever witnessed someone type. It was almost like one of those scripted bot things back in the days of AOL chat rooms.
I just remember looking at all of this with a vacant, confused stare and wondering what the hell I had just gotten myself into with this fellow. After he finally went silent, I sat there for a minute or three thinking of how a normal human being might possibly respond in a situation like this, and when that came up with nothing, I channeled good ol’ Squall and fired a “……” his way. Cena would have sold such a thing more than Cewsh, as he was back on the attack instantly. After another “…..” , he marked out one last time and said he’d see me tomorrow in school.
It actually crossed my mind to sit in a different part of the room during history class the next day, but I remembered that he was in my English class too, and I was sure as hell not giving up my coveted seat next to Svenja, the ridiculously hot German exchange student that had pounced on me the second I wore a Rammstein shirt to school. Cewsh didn’t say a word about it during English class, but I could see it in his eyes that he was on cloud 9 still. Then later on it was time for history class. I remember walking in and seeing him sitting down in his usual chair directly next to mine. His eyes were locked onto me and followed me every step of the way to my seat. Every step closer I got to him, the wider the grin he got on his face. By the time I sat down, he looked like a retarded Canadian (redundant?) Cheshire Cat. This grin of his stayed lit up like the New York City Christmas tree for a few seconds before the floodgates opened and out came his excitement. I thought he was a lunatic and I never wanted to talk to him again.
I should have stood my ground.
(Cewsh Note: His life would be so much easier if he had.)
Kyle: Great PPV. Unlike modern WWE PPV’s, I can’t really think of a part that I shuddered at, or downright hated…it was quite a fun walk in nostalgia. Many thanks to Cewsh for giving the opportunity to participate, and re-live a little section of my youth. I will repay him in smarties and jokes that aren’t actually that funny. Some day.
Overall Rating: Chrono Trigger. A familiar formula, but still did alot of things right, and is still fun to go back and play.
Psycho: For going back and seeing how this would compare to modern day WWE…I’d say in the general match quality, this was better than some of the more recent PPVs. However, this wasn’t really the best example to go back and compare. The main events were great, particularly the first two, and some of the undercard matches were quite entertaining. One thing that was nice was that there were a few matches on this card that had great backgrounds, and didn’t necessarily have a title tied to them. Nowadays, it seems that is hard to come by. Sometimes the matches feel too thrown together. This show was definitely not the best example of the era, but it was a good way to see what an average WWF PPV was like at the time….and in my opinion, it looked pretty awesome, if that was the average above what would be considered a shitty PPV.
*** 3/4.
Well that’ll do it for us tonight, boys and girls. Give Psycho Soldier and Kyle 242 a rousing round of applause for all their hard work, and feel free to say nice things about them to encourage them to further success and possible returns to the world of Cewsh Reviews. Tomorrow we get back on track in our attempt to catch up to the present, as the ever irascible Matthew joins in to cover what will surely go down as the best anniversary show that any company has ever had in the month of June in the year 2011 inside the state of Florida. Probably. So until then, remember to keep reading and be good to one another!
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